The Relationship Destroyer

Let me tell you how wonderful my daughter is

I have a great relationship with my daughter. She’s a smart cookie who makes her momma pretty dang proud. She defies the odds of the stereotypical millennial. She’s a licensed realtor here in SWFL, a designer for a local custom remodeling company, and attending interior design school in the evening.  All at 21 mind you.   Similarly, career-wise, I was on the banking side of real estate transactions for at least a decade, my husband and I built and decorated four homes from scratch and just finished the first remodel in the last year. So while I’m no expert, I have experience in everything she has her hands in.  It’s cool because she comes to me for advice and to bounce off ideas.  Generally, it’s a lot of fun, but occasionally we butt heads.

The clash of generations

Given my “older and wiser” status and her “young and determined” spirit, we can often go after it. It starts in a slow banter, escalates to quiet shouting and ends with “fine, this conversation is over.” While we could talk an hour later and pick up like nothing happened, in the heat of the moment, it’s clear. We have put on the fighting gloves of pride.  In our relationship, we’ve learned what matters and what doesn’t. The truth is they are her customers, and she will do what’s best for them and what they agreed upon. Regardless of what mom says.

Pride is the greatest distance between two people

Unfortunately, not every relationship is like ours. Often when the “fine, this conversation is over” is said it also means the relationship is over. At some point digging our heels in with the gloves of pride on gets old. We long for peace and harmony in our relationships. Constantly, fighting one another affects us both mentally and physically. It affects our productivity and concentration.  I could write a entire blog post on the lists of affects it can have on our lives. Instead I want to focus on the signs that you are operating from a place of pride. Awareness is the first step in positive growth.

P – Pouting

While it’s kind of funny to see a grown person pout, pouting is a clue that pride is present. Similarly, to a child, pouting is hidden behind the no. No I not going to dinner with you now. No I won’t do this or that.

R – always a Rebuttal

Notably, in a rebuttal or butting heads is the infamous “but.” When we find our selves ready with the next “but…” even before the person has finished their sentence pride is present.

I – Inability to compromise

When arguments end without compromise or mutual agreement, pride opens the door for resentment. It’s resentment that is the road to destruction that pride has taken.

D – Determined to be Right

If you bring out Google, wikipedia, phone a friend or some other means to continually prove your right then pride is present.

E – Ego is in charge

I’ve written a lot about Ego and the dangers of having him in the drivers seat. Sum it up to say that Ego is fueled by fear. And unfortunately, fear’s ultimate goal is separation and destruction.  Which is exactly where our relationships are headed when pride is present.

Grab your journal; it’s your turn to grow

Take a few moments and reflect on where you have put on the pride gloves recently.

  1. List the relationships that have felt the negative impact of pride recently? Which of those relationships are ones you want to keep?
  2. Will someone die or will alot of money be lost? I find those are probably the only fast and hard rules for continung a disagreement.  Everything else is insignificant in the scheme of things.
  3. Take some time this coming week to give them a call and apologize. Yes, I said apologize. It’s the fastest way to restoration and elevation in any relationship.

 

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